I am waiting.
Still.
I am tired.
I am angry.
I purposefully picked the best hospitals.
I searched out the best doctors.
My goal was to avoid useless waiting.
Instead I spend days at a time looking at my phone.
Waiting for it to ring.
I think my new case has marks from the imprints of my hands.
I don’t know what I want… but I want to get out of “the waiting place.” I spend too much time here and its unhealthy.
An excerpt from one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books, “Oh the Places You’ll go!”
Thursday they said the biopsy should be scheduled by Friday or Monday. It’s Weds. at 7:30 PM. No worries. I have called. It didn’t help.
It’s a small nodule, the one they are concerned about. It is less than 2cm. But, excuse me for being anxious -even 10 year survival rates of about 95% serve as little consolation when the numbers refer to your little girl.
And what about my damned spleen? Clearly not a medical emergency, but the holidays messed with the waiting there too. I was told 9 days after they received the CD of my sonogram that it was blank. Really? 9 days? No word back from them about a plan either. I especially loved the part right before Christmas when my oncologist told me hamartomas are “almost always benign.” Great. See, prior to that conversation, I thought they were ALWAYS benign! UGH!
I am trying. And I will be fine. I guess some days I am allowed to be tired and grumpy like the rest of the world. As long as I remember…
Better get some loud music and another glass of wine. I think I need to dance the wait away!
